Babyfight Dispensing goo since 1999

7Dec/13Off

The Hotness Judge

It takes a while, but eventually you can appreciate certain types of internet commenter for their inner beauty, their style, their utter poetic ridiculousness.

One that struck me today was the hotness judge. People who prattle on endlessly about how "hot" various celebrities are. "Yeah, she wasn't that hot, I wouldn't do her" they pronounce, sadly, as if a great tragedy has occurred. As if the twitching of their trousersnake is somehow important in the vastness of the universe, and, damn it, people need to know. As if successful, young, attractive, wealthy actors need their genital's approval.

These people are useful in long comment threads as punctuation. Often they snap me out of a reading trance and let me move on to other pastures. They are also handy if I need to, for whatever reason, shake my head in amused dismay.

There's other types, of course. Perhaps a taxonomic breakdown will come in handy. There's quite a few related types to the hotness judge, people who weigh in on what they like about anything solemnly, from cars to planets, jewelry to yachts, but primarily things they a) have zero chance of ever acquiring and 2) were not, indeed, asked for their opinion in regards to. I'll see if I have the wherewithal to do so.

Filed under: assholes, awesome Comments Off
12Jun/070

finally

nicely summed up "controversy" over "evolution" (i don't think anti-evolutionists even understand it):

There aren't two sides in this debate, unless you count presenting the facts as one side, and presenting a batshit insane lie as the other.

That's basically the rightwing's whole approach, to economics, to geopolitics, to science, to everything they do. "Well, now, you may have the facts and figures and pretty logic on your side, but I didn't come from no monkey!"

Wha? Of course not, asshole. Why would monkeys still be around? Anyways, read the link, it's good stuff.

8Jun/070

sigh

This shit is depressing. How do you "not believe" in evolution? It's happening no matter what. To think that people reject the vast panorama of development for some fairy tale makes me want to vomit in my shoe. Both my shoes!

"No believing" in evolution is like not believing in...Gary Bussey. You can disbelieve all you want, but it won't change the fact that he's there, and that his mouth does not completely close. It's just a fact.

18Apr/071

fucking pricks

westboro baptist church, which claims to speak for god, plans to protest the funerals of the victims of the Virginia Tech massacre. They claim to speak for God. Can you support this god?

WBC to Preach at Funerals of Virginia Tech Dead
WBC will preach at the funerals of the Virginia Tech students killed on campus during a shooting rampage April 16, 2007. You describe this as monumental horror, but you know nothing of horror — yet. Your bloody tyrant Bush says he is ‘horrified’ by it all. You know nothing of horror — yet. Your true horror is coming. “They shall also gird themselves with sackloth, and horror shall cover them; and shame shall be upon all faces, and baldness upon all their heads” (Eze. 7:18).

Why did this happen, you ask? It’s simple. Your military chose to shoot at the servants of God today, and all they got for their effort was terror. Then, the LORD your God sent a crazed madman to shoot at your children. Was God asleep while this took place? Was He on vacation? Of course not. He willed this to happen to punish you for assailing His servants.

This is the face of god-worship taken to a logical extreme. this is the face of the crusades, and the inquisition, and every holy fuckwit who thought that he could HURT someone into being what HE thought was right. this is religion. so look on it. when the fallen students who did nothing other than attend their classes are laid to rest, a few dozen assholes under the banner of god will heckle and scream at their parents and loved ones gathered to grieve. Is this what you think of when you ponder religion? it should be, because it is the face of it. so don't shrink away. if you're really religious, or spiritual, or whatever halfwit fucking bullshit you invent to justify your prostrating to some made-up invisible shithead, then this is your spokesperson, in the form of the westboro baptist church.
i recommend that anyone in the area of any of these protests (while 33 funerals of individuals who attended a large university might be hard to completely canvas) come out and let WBC know what they think, of their protests, of their bullshit, of their bile-filled hate. let them know loudly and assertively. because there's one thing over the top of their god-fellating, and that's HUMANITY. and the fucking shit-eating asshole Fred Phelps of the WBC has today forsaken his membership card in the club called HUMANITY, in favor of his jesus-fucking. he should be treated as such.

10Apr/072

chucklegate

A while back Senator John McCain, the Straight Talk Express (with a bare amount of military support, and maybe a helicopter) strolled happily through what seemed to be a block of Baghdad. At a later press conference, McCain said some stupid things, including insisting that the streets were safe. afterwards, someone claimed that a reporter heckled him (warning, drudge report). Funny line in Drudge thing:

Michael Ware has also publicly expressed his views on the war last year in an interview with Bill Maher, saying, “I've been given a front-row ticket to watch this slow-motion train wreck … I try to stay as drunk for as long as possible while I'm here … In fact, I'm drinking now.”

heh heh
Anyways, here's my take: A) we have no proof it even happened. Even McCain isn't sure. He says some other guys there at the conference told him it happened. 2) Who fucking cares? This guy McCain walked around the streets in a kevlar vest through a pre-scoured area with a hundred soldiers, several helicopters, and who-knows-how-many other security precautions. And we're supposed to not laugh in his face when he says something patently stupid? I mean, sure, maybe the reporter said something. If he did, we have to ask: Was it justified? If so, tough nookie.
Anyone else think the "maverick" is looking a wee bit senile? He'll be old as fuck by the time he assumes office (if he has, which I don't think he does, even a tiny chance of winning the nom or the general), and likely near death. Is it a repeat of the bob dole campaign promise? "One term guaranteed? Should we elect a thousand year old as president? Is his longevity in any way combined with the state-paid health care he's benefited from his whole professional life, while millions of Americans rely on emergency rooms for health care?
I dunno. what do you think?

27Mar/070

depressing post for today

Creationists suck, and they're trying to muddy science with their made-up, goofball, revelatory garbage. that is sorry stuff.

Here's the God Simulator. See if you can get all the way through!

15Mar/071

another think

Since this seems to be an all-Charles day thus far, this story on The Onion made me think of him.

Man Who Plays Devil's Advocate Really Just Wants To Be Asshole
March 9, 2007 | Issue 43•10

COLUMBUS, MO—Though area graphic designer Derek Sills says he plays devil's advocate to help his friends better understand opinions different from their own, sources close to Sills claim he takes on the dissenting role merely to be an asshole.

"Now, I don't actually believe this or anything but, for the sake of argument, let's say your girlfriend is just dating you for your money," Sills said at a party last Saturday, after asking a group of friends to consider that the telephone may have been a "stupid invention." "Just playing devil's advocate here, guys, but perhaps slavery is the reason African Americans are so successful in sports these days."

According to sources, Sills "crossed the line" when he asked if their friend Jamie's mother might have deserved to die.

That is funny shit.

Filed under: assholes, charles, onion 1 Comment