Dayum I never post no mo

What’s with me? I post garbage on Facebook like an asshole. I post on stupid writing sites, I even fuckin’ Twitter for some idiotic reason, what with Twitter being the World’s Lamest Time-Suck of All Time. LT-SOAT is a hard title to get, since there’s so very many internet-based lame-ass wastes of time, but Twitter is really a shining example of that classic past…uh…time. It’s quite deserving.

I told myself I’d poot on Wednesday, and haven’t been honoring that commitment, because honestly, I’m a total jackoff. It’s true. I can’t honor commitments. I should really be dragged out into the street and shot. But since I’m also a big coward, if you come to do the old drag-and-shoot, I’ll run, so you should be prepared to chase me at least two, three hundred feet before I collapse from cheeseburger-induced exhaustion and/or sudden whipped-cream-onset-coronary.

Honestly, I’m a huge waste of time. The only thing that’s a bigger waste of time is all of you, you worthless crotch-smellers.

So here’s a song for me and you, you fuckers.

Shut the fuck up!

Honestly? I hope we all die slowly, and it involves half-robot frogs holding acid-spewing squirt guns.

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