but i found this:

And had to share. ta!

This is a total joke. It’s also an example of how reasonable folks can get drowned out by hysterical screaming of ideologues.

They want to replace FDR with fucking REAGAN. The man who ignored AIDS when he was arguably the only one who could have done anything to stop a pandemic, since it was “punishment” for being gay. He’s the guy who sent missiles to Iran to fund death squads in South America. He’s the one who lied under oath, killed, and poisoned generations with his industry-only approach. for what? to “win” the Cold War? Fucking Gorbachev, who knows a thing or two, has been largely ignored by the hysterical Right when he says “Shit, the thing was falling apart anyways”.

You know what? Fuck Ronald Reagan. Fuck his dead ass. And fuck his idiot appeasing second wife Nancy (he abandoned his first wife). Fuck his kids, and Fuck everyone who draws inspiration from that monster. He is the kind of person who inspires insurrection. And his asexual offspring Bush does the same. I wish I believed in Hell, because imagining him burning in it right now would be a great joy. But fuck him anyways. When I heard he died I danced a little happy jig. He was a disgusting monster and deserved to die a lot earlier.

Okay, Atrios trying to explain why there’s not a lot of “Look! A new school!” news reporting out of Iraq:

I know this has been said by others and no matter how many times it is restated paste-eaters like Jeff Goldstein will faily to comprehend but I’ll give it one more try.

Imagine if 30 people were killed every day by car bombs in US cities. Monday, 30 dead in Denver. Tuesday, 30 dead in San Francisco. Wednesday, 30 dead in Philadelphia. You get the idea.

Now scale that roughly relative to population size. Make that 300 dead per day. Every day. Would the lead story on the evening news be about all the people who weren’t blown up that day? No. The country would be completely hysterical.

Thus the old saw: “If it bleeds, it leads.”

the last few days have been rather stressful. i’m a little punch drunk. a few posts down i opened with “i often sit and fret that my car will be towed”, and it happened! yesterday me and des stopped at her house at like one in the morning, and when i woke up and peeped out the window five hours later, my car had been towed! i got it back in about 2 hours, but it ran me $260. if you work for North Coast Patrol in Oceanside, you are a fucking giant stinky douchenozzle, and i hope you die in a huge fucking garbage disposal. then, i drove my car to Zac’s to get it fixed, and it turns out the master cylinder is fucked. that’s another couple c-notes.

then this morning, carless, i hitch a ride to work with my step-dad, as I’m sleeping in his spare room waiting for escrow to close, and the fucking agent calls me up and tells me we can’t do the loan, and i about fall to pieces like a scared little wombat in the big city. then, a few hours later, it works out, thanks to some intervention from down the hall. I’m really maybe probably kind of getting the condo. feh. still no car.

if you’re thinking about getting an old BMW, fuckin don’t do it unless a mechanic looks all over it and says he wants to have fucking sex with it, it looks so good. i’ve spent over $5K on a car i paid $3k for. jesus fucking christ in a blender.

my hands are hurting from typing…lord, my ears sound like there’s things breaking in them, and my jaw feels like i got kicked by jackie chan. i am disassembling in front of your very eyes. hopefully on friday i’ll have a house to fall apart inside of and i can get my whole life out of the storage unit it was supposed to be in for 3 weeks seven weeks ago.

I was thinking that it would be good to do something totally randomly stupid, and since i’m old and fat i’d have to do it with charts and planning and shit like that, so i can minimize the danger of falling and breaking my fucking hip.

cool idea: make a stupid music video. but not just any music video, a super stupid one that combines two of my favorite things…being a jackass and breaking shit. that’s why the song must be “I Am Downright Amazed At What I Can Destroy With Just a Hammer” by Atom and His Package.

Me and Jan and Brian bought a pretty little hole.
It was cheapish and we split and we’re fixing it up.
So Mr. Sokol does everything rewires, fixes cracks.
I can only break walls, moves stuff, and get snacks.

And I am downright amazed at what I can destroy with just a hammer.
And I am downright amazed at what I can destroy with just a hammer.

Nails in drywall, paint haul, blah blah.
Move in, no sink, new broom, I think.
I bribed the garbage man!
I am a super bad boy again.

And I am downright amazed at what I can destroy with just a hammer.
And I am downright amazed at what I can destroy with just a hammer.

Brian, don’t stay mad with us.
Come on, eat some food with us,
We own a home together.

And I am downright amazed at what I can destroy with just a hammer.
And I am downright amazed at what I can destroy with just a hammer.

And the video can consist of me and maybe charles and probably Desi once she gets into it then finally Marie once she gets off the couch and over the Mighty Liver Inflammation or whatever’s afflicting the hell out of her ass just fucking destroying things with a variety of hammers. I like hammers as it is, I always danced with those hammers from the Pink Floyd video thing.

See, I’m dancing. And apparently shopping right after Jr. High at the Peg Your Pants Store, which is where i shopped in Jr. High.

So anyways, the smashing things with hammers would work way, way better than the “slicing glass with a metal ruler” plan I had that sounded SO GOOD in my head….like, you know, you get a metal ruler, and it’s like a SWORD! and you can chop shit in half with it if you swing it fast enough! Yes, yes, I know now, trapped in the clutches of sobriety-ish, that it’s a bullshit plan, of course of course. But man! That night, it seemed AWESOME. And failed so badly. Ah, lost dreams. One bent to hell ruler and a lot of annoyed, woken-up neighbors later we’re back in the house wondering how it all went wrong. So this would be vindication for my poor ruler-swinging. I would be back in the saddle, as they say in westernland, where cows can talk and demand to have their testicles shorn off.

In any event I’m still awake, and still homeless, and the futon mattress on my mom’s floor smells of bitter, bitter escrow worries. It’s a daily battle to not abscond with the down payment in my bank account, run off to Vegas, and play poker for what, like 4 days. Of course I could win enough to buy a house in cash. Likely scenario: Poor, back on mom’s floor, no hope of being a homo-ner.

So in the bank it sits. I remain, fat, high-cholesterol, ranting. My legs are white to the point of painful eye strain but I’ve lost the worry about what anyone thinks of me. I’ve been wearing shorts again lately, so how long can it possibly be til I”m in loud shirts with annoying novelty ties telling jokes that involve me striking a pose, head tilted just so, with a toothy open-nouthed “TA DAAA!” stance, jazz hands rampant? The taste of it is like acid on my tongue. Yet…oddly comforting. Office cut-up is so…standard. So easy a role. Of course, i laugh at, and invent, dead fetus jokes. so that kills my office cut-up possibilities.

Ah well. My foot has fallen asleep. I think this post brings navel-gazing to a higher, more pure level. Its my small contribution to the world. Suck it, world. Suck it dry.

I often sit and fret that my car will be towed.

i wish i hadn’t quit my band. i liked being in a band.

maybe i’ll make an old man band

i was watching futurama the other night. Mom (of Mom’s Friendly Robot Company) was playing the part of the Wicked Witch of the West and, when one of her boys, playing flying monkeys, complained “But Mommy! You promised you’d make us monkey cakes!” She bitchslapped them all and said “By ‘monkey cakes’ I meant YOUR ASS!” and I laughed and laughed and laughed. And repeated it to Desi’s little brother who ran away from my nerd-phermones. Nerdmones. Nice

one thing I don’t follow: Chris moving to Denver. How on earth can you stand being so far from the ocean? I am about twenty minutes away and it seems too long. The idea of not being able to commune with the sea from time to time fills me with sadness.

RANDOM ATOM LYRICS (thank you Charles for introducing me to A&HP):

OK, here’s what doing here, uh. We’re gonna intergrate two very important things and those are intelligence and sports!

[singing]
In hockey you must score a goal
which one cannot do if between me and the net theres no hole
Most goalies are quick
react the drop of a hat
but I don’t need to be quick when I got so much fat

What do you do with your 1500 pounds?
You play goalie!
[x2]

You can try the wristshot, slapshot, there’s no getting through
I told you ten times you cannot fake out blubber, dude
I won’t get tired, cuz I’ll just lie on my side
So the other teams won’t copy I’ll be signed at the deadline.

Turn on channel 29 on the tele’
I’ve eliminated the kicksave and only block with my belly
Me and George Ezina, I’ll be a new sensation
The NHL can’t not let me play cuz that’s discrimination!

What do you do with your 1500 pounds? (you can’t spend it in England)
You play goalie.
[x2]

Hey man do you know whats up?
The Flyers could’ve used me in the Stanley Cup.
And I don’t care if it ruins the sport of the game
cuz we’re winning, Yeah we’re winning!

What do you do with your 1500 pounds?
You play goalie. [repeat til end]
(and we dance like a wave of the ocean and dance. and we live and we love and we dance. and we dance and we dance and we dance)

Can you hear me Enya?

Johnny Rotten cheered me up quite a bit. In response to being selected to the Rock and Roll Hall of Residuals:

Nice.

I took Elise out…we tried finding someplace to fish yesterday, but everything was so cold…at a beach in Oceanside we thought the sun being out would help, but the wind in our face was frigid, and the clouds soon rolled in and dumped on us. The water was choppy and gray-green and the shore break was right at our feet. All the same Elise managed two fish before we ran for it.

Barred Surfperch are the primary species we target at this time of year. They’re breeding near shore, or at least have bred recently, and large, aggressively feeding pregnant females are close in. They put up a tremendous fight, but you have to let them go quickly (if you don’t intend to cook them) or they’ll prematurely deliver their babies, often all over you or the beach. Barred surfperch give birth to live young (viviparous), and it’s alarming as hell to have a bunch of baby perch start squirting onto your hand.

On our way out, we found a couple fry (baby fish) on the path and Elise ran them back to the surf. Though they swam away, they’re not likely to survive. A small chance, however, is better than the no chance they’d have sitting on a path 100′ away from the water. A car pulled up as we started our car and a fellow we’d spoken with who was fishing jumped out. He had a tupperware dish with a bunch of baby perch in it, and dashed down the path. Apparently he hadn’t been aware of the pregnancy issue. I commend his attempt to save the fry, but possibly it was hopeless…especially if he had them in fresh water…

Fishing can be brutal.

everything seems to be failing right now.

my body feels like it’s failing. i can’t hear out of my left ear, and my jaw is displaced in a weird way. hurts when i bit down. i’ve been battling sinusitis, i believe, for about ten days now. i leak snot constantly and my head feels bizarre. my cholesterol is at 230. i eat oatmeal for breakfast and don’t know how to eat dinner yet. i had crackers last night.

my mortgage deal seems on the verge of collapse, the house i foolishly thought i could purchase is going to be someone else’s and my loan/real estate agent won’t answer my calls. i’m seeing my future plans crumble in front of me. i’m living on my mom’s floor.

my culture, my society is failing as well. the friends i love are far away, and the ones close enough are aloof. the relationships i count on seem to be weakening, due in no small part to my own failures as a friend, et al.

i know that ultimately failure is our legacy, and our fate, but i cannot help but feel i’m failing too soon. don’t i get a little more of the sweet illusion of life as joy before the knife slips in? i guess that’s foolish to hope for. hope is stupid.

i’m not moping around and whining in life though, i’m talking and doing things. inside i feel like someone dropped a toaster in my bathtub though. like i’m falling to small pieces in a doorless room, surrounded by grinning cardboard cutouts offering nothing

haha! perhaps i’m a sad douchebag too. man that’s some maudlin bullshit.

I have a Bachelors of Assology!