sometimes, i imagine life is just a huge bulldog, and its biting the top half of your head, and it’s like a dog-shaped hat you have pulled too far down over your eyes, and you have this terrible fashion sense, but no! you’ve got a bulldog eating the top half of your head! You’re not badly dressed at all. well, you could be. but the dog thing is still more important.

I took friday and monday off work in anticipation of birthday hijinx (i’m an elderly man now) and nothin’ happened. i had a good time saturday night with jerm and kerm and jeff an des but nothing out of the ordinary. i did drink several fruity sweet shots, so i guess that’s not ordinary.

everyone seems to be on some kind of stupid existential grief-trip at the moment, and i’m not into it. i feel pretty good for an old freakin fogey, and i’d rather have a fun time than grouse and mope. i spent most of my life grousing and moping and mewling and whatnat, enough already! i’m going to be dead for so much longer than i’m alive it’s ridiculous. as a matter of fact…if the universe is infinite (ie, it won’t end, it’ll just expand forever) than my life is comparatively non-existant, therefore i don’t even exist. take that!

ah ha, but I do exist. I just farted. my wrists hurt from…uh…typing. i can hear a small child constantly turning on the speakerphone in my office (it’s true, i can). so the universe will end at some point.

I guess that’s kind of cool, that I exist and all. though none of you reading this have any proof of this.

you know what’s cute? kittens! and babies!

Put them together? BLOODSPORT.

I say “Bush is one insane motherfucker, he’s going to try and set his own ass up as Emperor” five years ago, and no one cares. Then he goes and decides he can interpret laws as he wants to, based on his “signing statements”, a bare-assed usurpation of Legislative and Judicial powers. He decides the Constitution doesn’t apply to him, and suspends the First through Fourth, except of course for Mr. Second.

I said a while ago that corporations would try to take over our lives. No one believed me. Well, that’s starting too. Look at this. Telcos are trying to gain the right to block content they don’t like on the internet.

That’s right. They don’t like it, for whatever reason, they block it. So they don’t like it because it’s illegal. “Cool!” you say, ” that would stop nasty shit!” Right. So, now that the process is established, they don’t like something because its…against their financial interests? Like, say, union negotiators posting information for members on their site? Or whistleblowers calling attention to a defective product of an affiliated subsidiary?

So, they don’t like that. Why can’t they block it?

What happens, say, if they, as in the telcos, don’t like YOU?

Just saying.

Owner of myspace.com:

FUCK YOU

Fucking myspace can eat it’s own duodenum.

That is all.

eyup

the other day i was at a restaurant, and i felt happy when my food got there. i took a bite, and after a few chews realized there was a hair in it…a long one.
the nature of our mouths is for things to go in, and continue inwards, and be entered into the digestive process. i had a mouthful of food, and felt a bit awkward jamming my hand in my foody mouth to remove the hair. part of me was disturbed by the thought of swallowing some random hair (mine is pretty short, so i knew it wasn’t mine. unless it was like some random rogue nose hair tucked up in my nasal cavities that got loose. but let’s not think of that), and the bizarre DNA i’d be assimilating, but another part of me fought the urge to just hork up my food and dig around in it for said hair in the middle of a casual dining restaurant. so i kept subtly trying to dart my finger into my mouth and snag the fucker, and the harsh mistress that is peristalsis kept working against me, moving it further and further into my throat. eventually i gave up…and felt the hair sliding down my throat…

i felt conflicting emotions of not caring and of being grossed out. i was not sure how to feel. how would you feel? i believe my reasons for not spewing all over were valid, i mean, come on…its just a hair. We probably eat many, many more disgusting things every day.

so…why do i still feel sad about it inside?

just thinking

i have this band i loved so much…Heavy Vegetable, one of the most fiercely, beautifully creative and wonderful bands i’ve ever laid ears on, as it were. they broke up and some of the band formed Thingy. Then they broke up and went different ways, and the singer formed Pinback with another musician I love, Zack from 3 Mile Pilot.

I found this song in my playlist today and it really pushed me backwards in time, into Raul the Tercel and Boones Farm and ranting at the sky and smoking on rocks.

I wonder if I felt like this then and then changed or felt like this the whole time, but it was just subterranean, buried in me and came out as time wore me down and exposed different parts.

of course i’m not a rock, tho my constituent bits probably contain some rock parts. I have rocked, in the past. I might again.

Cottingley Fairies
Thingy
(Lyrics by Rob Crow)

hey mister barkeep
could you top me off?
top me off?
yeah mister barkeep
please top me off
top me off
I believe what my eyes see
and little Francis and Elsie
and Doyle’s lantern and slides have
convinced me
I know it sounds crazy
I feel half the time
the Cottingley Fairies
watching from behind
(I know it sounds crazy) I can feel
(I feel half the time) their stare
(the Cottingley Fairies) and I want to see
(watching from behind) them there
ahh
la la la la la la la la la
ahh
la la la la la la la la la

I always like it when people transcribe the “La” parts into lyrics.

If you see some heavy Vegetable, or Thingy, or Pinback, or Snotnose, or Rob Crow, grab it, and listen closely, because it’s just plain awesome.

Ifn you don like it, gwan home!

Uh…I call bullshit.

I call bullshit on your points about immigrants, legal or otherwise, not paying taxes. Property taxes get paid by landlords of the slums they rent. Who pays those? The owner? Out of the goodness of his/her heart? No fuckin’ way. The fucking renters, douchebags.

I hate that shit. La Queen Sucia has a great rundown on more bullshit from “Michael”, a hate-mailer with his head so far up his ass he peeps out his navel. The “property taxes” canard, the “overwhelming” canard, the “not serving our armed forces” canard.

All bullshit. All race-baiting, trying to (oh-so-predictably) raise up the specter of a BROWN INVASION!

Too late, fuckwads, it’s here. And it’s an invasion of tax-paying, voting, literate, native-born Americans who look like Mexicans. So fuck you twice in the skull you racist pricks. Twice.

Yello!
It’s Monday!
Ted Rall rules!

Oy!

Tomorrow is my district’s special election. The GOP lost a long-time house member because those bureaucrats on the hill couldn’t handle the “Duke”-stir making a little green on the side. I’m voting for Francine Busby, I’ve met her, she’s short and has by far the best afro in the race. There’s some Repubs running but they’re all either super-rich kooks trying to buy their way into office or douchebag career politicians who lie and cheat. Busby’s the only bearable candidate in the lot of ’em. Bilbray’s amazing: He’s been a lobbyist for 6 years, and won a court battle to have himself listed as an “immigration reform consultant”. I could not make this shit up.

I have to question the intelligence of anyone who’d vote for a Republican right now, considering the complete corruption of that party. Of course, if the Dems take over, they’ll get just as corrupt. What we need is a little citizen oversight. I saw a TV ad for one of them, I can’t remember who and don’t care, frankly, and it’s gross. He sits on camera and talks about people he’s known who’ve died from awful diseases and says he’ll make stem-cell research unrestricted, at least the funding for it. Well, duh. Anyone who’s NOT beholden to right-wing super-conservative scumbag religionistas SHOULD feel that way. Any right-thinking human SHOULD do that. You want a fuckin’ medal? You crap-hat. It reminds me of the Chris Rock bit where the guy’s proud of not going to jail. “You’re not SUPPOSED TO GO TO JAIL! Whaddaya want, a COOKIE?”

Okay. It kind of takes one’s breath away, the fucking corrupt garbage that the “christians” spew in defending their bullshit fairy tales. the “intelligent design” movement, with it’s combination of lies, heresy, and delusion is one of my favorites. spurned whereever truth is told, they’ve found their natural homes: mass media and politics.

recently a fossil believed to be 375 million years old and represent a transitional form of tetrapod was discovered and the creationists went into a tailspin. And they put together, in a rambling bullshit rebuttal of actual facts, the stupidest sentence ever published:

What remains unexplained is the dearth of so-called “missing” links.

Think that over. Pharyngula has a great rundown of that piece of semi-literate garbage.

It kind of makes you wonder what it’s all for, doesn’t it? I mean, isn’t intelligence a virtue? I’ve always believed I was morally obligated to find the truth, as a matter of simply being human…that’s our job. I don’t know why, I don’t attribute it to a creator, I just do. But these people… fucking crap, they’re insane. They’re not dumb, they’re anti-smart. If they were just dumb, we could distract them with shiny objects and dispatch them with a blackjack. but no such luck, they move out of the way, and the only shiny objects they like are monetary in nature.

Charles Pierce, another of my heroes, has a great essay on it: Greetings from Idiot America