Ifn you don like it, gwan home!

Uh…I call bullshit.

I call bullshit on your points about immigrants, legal or otherwise, not paying taxes. Property taxes get paid by landlords of the slums they rent. Who pays those? The owner? Out of the goodness of his/her heart? No fuckin’ way. The fucking renters, douchebags.

I hate that shit. La Queen Sucia has a great rundown on more bullshit from “Michael”, a hate-mailer with his head so far up his ass he peeps out his navel. The “property taxes” canard, the “overwhelming” canard, the “not serving our armed forces” canard.

All bullshit. All race-baiting, trying to (oh-so-predictably) raise up the specter of a BROWN INVASION!

Too late, fuckwads, it’s here. And it’s an invasion of tax-paying, voting, literate, native-born Americans who look like Mexicans. So fuck you twice in the skull you racist pricks. Twice.

Yello!
It’s Monday!
Ted Rall rules!

Oy!

Tomorrow is my district’s special election. The GOP lost a long-time house member because those bureaucrats on the hill couldn’t handle the “Duke”-stir making a little green on the side. I’m voting for Francine Busby, I’ve met her, she’s short and has by far the best afro in the race. There’s some Repubs running but they’re all either super-rich kooks trying to buy their way into office or douchebag career politicians who lie and cheat. Busby’s the only bearable candidate in the lot of ’em. Bilbray’s amazing: He’s been a lobbyist for 6 years, and won a court battle to have himself listed as an “immigration reform consultant”. I could not make this shit up.

I have to question the intelligence of anyone who’d vote for a Republican right now, considering the complete corruption of that party. Of course, if the Dems take over, they’ll get just as corrupt. What we need is a little citizen oversight. I saw a TV ad for one of them, I can’t remember who and don’t care, frankly, and it’s gross. He sits on camera and talks about people he’s known who’ve died from awful diseases and says he’ll make stem-cell research unrestricted, at least the funding for it. Well, duh. Anyone who’s NOT beholden to right-wing super-conservative scumbag religionistas SHOULD feel that way. Any right-thinking human SHOULD do that. You want a fuckin’ medal? You crap-hat. It reminds me of the Chris Rock bit where the guy’s proud of not going to jail. “You’re not SUPPOSED TO GO TO JAIL! Whaddaya want, a COOKIE?”

Okay. It kind of takes one’s breath away, the fucking corrupt garbage that the “christians” spew in defending their bullshit fairy tales. the “intelligent design” movement, with it’s combination of lies, heresy, and delusion is one of my favorites. spurned whereever truth is told, they’ve found their natural homes: mass media and politics.

recently a fossil believed to be 375 million years old and represent a transitional form of tetrapod was discovered and the creationists went into a tailspin. And they put together, in a rambling bullshit rebuttal of actual facts, the stupidest sentence ever published:

What remains unexplained is the dearth of so-called “missing” links.

Think that over. Pharyngula has a great rundown of that piece of semi-literate garbage.

It kind of makes you wonder what it’s all for, doesn’t it? I mean, isn’t intelligence a virtue? I’ve always believed I was morally obligated to find the truth, as a matter of simply being human…that’s our job. I don’t know why, I don’t attribute it to a creator, I just do. But these people… fucking crap, they’re insane. They’re not dumb, they’re anti-smart. If they were just dumb, we could distract them with shiny objects and dispatch them with a blackjack. but no such luck, they move out of the way, and the only shiny objects they like are monetary in nature.

Charles Pierce, another of my heroes, has a great essay on it: Greetings from Idiot America

but i found this:

And had to share. ta!

This is a total joke. It’s also an example of how reasonable folks can get drowned out by hysterical screaming of ideologues.

They want to replace FDR with fucking REAGAN. The man who ignored AIDS when he was arguably the only one who could have done anything to stop a pandemic, since it was “punishment” for being gay. He’s the guy who sent missiles to Iran to fund death squads in South America. He’s the one who lied under oath, killed, and poisoned generations with his industry-only approach. for what? to “win” the Cold War? Fucking Gorbachev, who knows a thing or two, has been largely ignored by the hysterical Right when he says “Shit, the thing was falling apart anyways”.

You know what? Fuck Ronald Reagan. Fuck his dead ass. And fuck his idiot appeasing second wife Nancy (he abandoned his first wife). Fuck his kids, and Fuck everyone who draws inspiration from that monster. He is the kind of person who inspires insurrection. And his asexual offspring Bush does the same. I wish I believed in Hell, because imagining him burning in it right now would be a great joy. But fuck him anyways. When I heard he died I danced a little happy jig. He was a disgusting monster and deserved to die a lot earlier.

Okay, Atrios trying to explain why there’s not a lot of “Look! A new school!” news reporting out of Iraq:

I know this has been said by others and no matter how many times it is restated paste-eaters like Jeff Goldstein will faily to comprehend but I’ll give it one more try.

Imagine if 30 people were killed every day by car bombs in US cities. Monday, 30 dead in Denver. Tuesday, 30 dead in San Francisco. Wednesday, 30 dead in Philadelphia. You get the idea.

Now scale that roughly relative to population size. Make that 300 dead per day. Every day. Would the lead story on the evening news be about all the people who weren’t blown up that day? No. The country would be completely hysterical.

Thus the old saw: “If it bleeds, it leads.”

the last few days have been rather stressful. i’m a little punch drunk. a few posts down i opened with “i often sit and fret that my car will be towed”, and it happened! yesterday me and des stopped at her house at like one in the morning, and when i woke up and peeped out the window five hours later, my car had been towed! i got it back in about 2 hours, but it ran me $260. if you work for North Coast Patrol in Oceanside, you are a fucking giant stinky douchenozzle, and i hope you die in a huge fucking garbage disposal. then, i drove my car to Zac’s to get it fixed, and it turns out the master cylinder is fucked. that’s another couple c-notes.

then this morning, carless, i hitch a ride to work with my step-dad, as I’m sleeping in his spare room waiting for escrow to close, and the fucking agent calls me up and tells me we can’t do the loan, and i about fall to pieces like a scared little wombat in the big city. then, a few hours later, it works out, thanks to some intervention from down the hall. I’m really maybe probably kind of getting the condo. feh. still no car.

if you’re thinking about getting an old BMW, fuckin don’t do it unless a mechanic looks all over it and says he wants to have fucking sex with it, it looks so good. i’ve spent over $5K on a car i paid $3k for. jesus fucking christ in a blender.

my hands are hurting from typing…lord, my ears sound like there’s things breaking in them, and my jaw feels like i got kicked by jackie chan. i am disassembling in front of your very eyes. hopefully on friday i’ll have a house to fall apart inside of and i can get my whole life out of the storage unit it was supposed to be in for 3 weeks seven weeks ago.

I was thinking that it would be good to do something totally randomly stupid, and since i’m old and fat i’d have to do it with charts and planning and shit like that, so i can minimize the danger of falling and breaking my fucking hip.

cool idea: make a stupid music video. but not just any music video, a super stupid one that combines two of my favorite things…being a jackass and breaking shit. that’s why the song must be “I Am Downright Amazed At What I Can Destroy With Just a Hammer” by Atom and His Package.

Me and Jan and Brian bought a pretty little hole.
It was cheapish and we split and we’re fixing it up.
So Mr. Sokol does everything rewires, fixes cracks.
I can only break walls, moves stuff, and get snacks.

And I am downright amazed at what I can destroy with just a hammer.
And I am downright amazed at what I can destroy with just a hammer.

Nails in drywall, paint haul, blah blah.
Move in, no sink, new broom, I think.
I bribed the garbage man!
I am a super bad boy again.

And I am downright amazed at what I can destroy with just a hammer.
And I am downright amazed at what I can destroy with just a hammer.

Brian, don’t stay mad with us.
Come on, eat some food with us,
We own a home together.

And I am downright amazed at what I can destroy with just a hammer.
And I am downright amazed at what I can destroy with just a hammer.

And the video can consist of me and maybe charles and probably Desi once she gets into it then finally Marie once she gets off the couch and over the Mighty Liver Inflammation or whatever’s afflicting the hell out of her ass just fucking destroying things with a variety of hammers. I like hammers as it is, I always danced with those hammers from the Pink Floyd video thing.

See, I’m dancing. And apparently shopping right after Jr. High at the Peg Your Pants Store, which is where i shopped in Jr. High.

So anyways, the smashing things with hammers would work way, way better than the “slicing glass with a metal ruler” plan I had that sounded SO GOOD in my head….like, you know, you get a metal ruler, and it’s like a SWORD! and you can chop shit in half with it if you swing it fast enough! Yes, yes, I know now, trapped in the clutches of sobriety-ish, that it’s a bullshit plan, of course of course. But man! That night, it seemed AWESOME. And failed so badly. Ah, lost dreams. One bent to hell ruler and a lot of annoyed, woken-up neighbors later we’re back in the house wondering how it all went wrong. So this would be vindication for my poor ruler-swinging. I would be back in the saddle, as they say in westernland, where cows can talk and demand to have their testicles shorn off.

In any event I’m still awake, and still homeless, and the futon mattress on my mom’s floor smells of bitter, bitter escrow worries. It’s a daily battle to not abscond with the down payment in my bank account, run off to Vegas, and play poker for what, like 4 days. Of course I could win enough to buy a house in cash. Likely scenario: Poor, back on mom’s floor, no hope of being a homo-ner.

So in the bank it sits. I remain, fat, high-cholesterol, ranting. My legs are white to the point of painful eye strain but I’ve lost the worry about what anyone thinks of me. I’ve been wearing shorts again lately, so how long can it possibly be til I”m in loud shirts with annoying novelty ties telling jokes that involve me striking a pose, head tilted just so, with a toothy open-nouthed “TA DAAA!” stance, jazz hands rampant? The taste of it is like acid on my tongue. Yet…oddly comforting. Office cut-up is so…standard. So easy a role. Of course, i laugh at, and invent, dead fetus jokes. so that kills my office cut-up possibilities.

Ah well. My foot has fallen asleep. I think this post brings navel-gazing to a higher, more pure level. Its my small contribution to the world. Suck it, world. Suck it dry.

I often sit and fret that my car will be towed.

i wish i hadn’t quit my band. i liked being in a band.

maybe i’ll make an old man band

i was watching futurama the other night. Mom (of Mom’s Friendly Robot Company) was playing the part of the Wicked Witch of the West and, when one of her boys, playing flying monkeys, complained “But Mommy! You promised you’d make us monkey cakes!” She bitchslapped them all and said “By ‘monkey cakes’ I meant YOUR ASS!” and I laughed and laughed and laughed. And repeated it to Desi’s little brother who ran away from my nerd-phermones. Nerdmones. Nice

one thing I don’t follow: Chris moving to Denver. How on earth can you stand being so far from the ocean? I am about twenty minutes away and it seems too long. The idea of not being able to commune with the sea from time to time fills me with sadness.

RANDOM ATOM LYRICS (thank you Charles for introducing me to A&HP):

OK, here’s what doing here, uh. We’re gonna intergrate two very important things and those are intelligence and sports!

[singing]
In hockey you must score a goal
which one cannot do if between me and the net theres no hole
Most goalies are quick
react the drop of a hat
but I don’t need to be quick when I got so much fat

What do you do with your 1500 pounds?
You play goalie!
[x2]

You can try the wristshot, slapshot, there’s no getting through
I told you ten times you cannot fake out blubber, dude
I won’t get tired, cuz I’ll just lie on my side
So the other teams won’t copy I’ll be signed at the deadline.

Turn on channel 29 on the tele’
I’ve eliminated the kicksave and only block with my belly
Me and George Ezina, I’ll be a new sensation
The NHL can’t not let me play cuz that’s discrimination!

What do you do with your 1500 pounds? (you can’t spend it in England)
You play goalie.
[x2]

Hey man do you know whats up?
The Flyers could’ve used me in the Stanley Cup.
And I don’t care if it ruins the sport of the game
cuz we’re winning, Yeah we’re winning!

What do you do with your 1500 pounds?
You play goalie. [repeat til end]
(and we dance like a wave of the ocean and dance. and we live and we love and we dance. and we dance and we dance and we dance)

Can you hear me Enya?

Johnny Rotten cheered me up quite a bit. In response to being selected to the Rock and Roll Hall of Residuals:

Nice.